the second 6 months...

I dressed you up and you were suddenly 7 months...We hit winter which meant that we had to bundle up every time we left the house. You loved to sit surrounded by toys and play. You started a nap schedule and I loved having set times to plan our day around. We put your big girl car seat in the car and I reminisced about taking you home from the hospital in your baby car seat. Your belly laughs got even better and we loved listening to them.
I sang you a song and you were 8 months...You started to eat toast and finger foods like puffs and cheerios. You were stronger and able to hold on to the couch and stand up. You learned how to play games like peek-a-boo and I thought it was so funny.

I handed you a toy and you were 9 months...

You started to say more words and began saying duck and book along with wow, dada and mama. You started to love sitting in front of a bin or basket and pull out books and toys. You began to show your silly side and mommy and daddy loved it every time.
I watched you from afar and you were 10 months..

You discovered how to get around in the walker and you started to get into everything! You loved chasing Herman around the house. By this age you were babbling up a storm. I loved to hear your voice as you tried out different sounds and words. You celebrated your first Easter and the bunny came to our house.

I got splashed by you and you were 11 months.

It was finally warm out again! We tried out your baby pool and started going to the park every week. We were able to go for walks again. You love to be outside and you coo every time you spot an animal. You started to practice walking holding onto a walker. You started to try and use your spoon. Your hair was long enough to put in an elastic and it looked so cute! We tried out giving you a bath in the regular size bath tub and you LOVE it. You splash so much that I get soaked, but it is totally worth it.

I gasped and you were turning 1 year old...
Four days before your first birthday you took your first steps. Mom and dad are so very proud of you! We laugh at how funny you are every day. You have such a great personality. We can't wait to see what the next year has in store. You are our little doodle bug who has grown so much. I look forward to each and every single day I get to be your mama. Every tomorrow with you in my life is a wonderful tomorrow.

the first 6 months..

Oh Anya Elizabeth you have made my heart so full.

You have made me a momma.
You have taught me so much about life.
I love you more than you can ever imagine.
In two days you will be a year old..

Lets start with the first six months.

I will remember..

The first moment you came into the world I had no idea how much my life would change...

My life did change. More than it ever has. I loved my life before you, but I loved it even more with you. You had the smallest feet and hands. The sweetest baby head that I loved to kiss. Fluffy baby hair is one of the best things in life. I knew what falling in love felt like, but I didn't know what it felt like to fall in love with a baby until I met you.

My days became filled with thoughts of you. My nights too. I would wake in a panic on some nights wondering where you were, but sighing as I realized you were safe and sound. Daddy and I would get up and sneak a peek at you sleeping to make sure you were okay. You would make these little peep and squeak sounds. We started calling you squeak.

Family and friends would hold you to give me a break but my mind could not stop thinking of what you might need.. what you might want. I'm sure this is normal with new moms but no less extraordinary. Life is amazing.
Soon you were 1 month...

You started sleeping in your own crib and mommy and daddy were actually getting some sleep. We kept sanitizing everything in sight to keep you healthy. I read you books and showed you toys. I guess I had no idea you just wanted to sleep...


I blinked and you were 2 months..
Soon we were soaking in the summer without as much anxiety. You tried out the pool and went on a few day trips. We would go out for the day and spend most of it feeding and changing you. We were together and doing something new so it was worth it. I kept you out of the sun, which was hard during the summer. You were still getting in a lot of shut eye.
I woke up one morning and you were 3 months..

You started to sleep for longer periods at night. We discovered a thing called routine. Life started to really seem to shine in a new light. We met some other new moms and babies. I understood why moms say, get through the first 3 months. You were smiling and I was beaming back. This was starting to be a lot of fun. We took you to the beach with friends and you were such a good girl.

I smiled at you and you were 4 months..

At four months it felt a lot different. You weren't so fragile. You were starting to do new things all of the time. Life was just beginning to get to the exciting part. We took you away on vacations. We learned that vacations with a baby can be fun, although they are very different. You used the highchair and tried baby food for the first time.

I took just one more photo and you were 5 months..

You started to become a little lady with your beautiful round face. I would stop and stare at you time and time again telling you how gorgeous you are. We celebrated your first Halloween. You were the best Tinkerbell. Daddy and I carved pumpkins while listening to music and my heart felt so full to have you and daddy in my life. You had your baptism and you looked beautiful in a dress made from material that 3 generations of women before you wore.

I picked you up and you were 6 months..

You seemed to always be laughing my happy little girl. I loved hearing your belly laugh. We celebrated your first Thanksgiving, you met Santa and we cut down our Christmas tree. You felt snow for the first time. You made the holidays seem magical in a new way. I remember feeling such wonderful anticipation of the years to come. There are so many beautiful moments in every tomorrow. Never stop believing that my little love.

Tomorrow I will share about the second 6 months..

It is the last day for my giveaway!

Me as a mom, mothers day stories part 3

This is the last and final part of a three day mothers day series..

What I have learned about parenthood is that it is the most humbling experience. I read books. I went to the classes. I talked to friends with kids. I thought I knew a lot about parenting, and then I held Anya that first week and I said, holy crap what am I doing? It's the hard core love that does it. It's different if you do things wrong with a kid that belongs to someone else. It's easy to imagine yourself caring for a baby while you swaddle that doll in your infant care class. When it's your own and the love is knocking your socks off, it's freaking scary.

It was so surreal to see Anya in her little bassinet at the hospital pulled up next to my bed. She stared at me like she knew me. I stared back saying, who are you little girl? Then the mom instincts kicked in and I fell madly in love with her. She was less than a day old and I would have died for her. Talk about scary!

I felt great at the hospital, minus the trauma and thoughts of, what the hell just happened?.. women do this all the time?! Soon it was time to go home. I was excited as we had been there for three nights. I wanted to take this little muffin home and make her a part of our life.

The first two weeks were a roller coaster of emotions. One day I would feel the happiest I have ever felt. The next day I would look at Dwight with tears running down my face and say, she is just so constant. It is the biggest change I will ever have in my life. My hormones were being wacky and I was so scared. I was scared at the amount of love I felt for her. I was scared that I would feel anxious over every single thing I did with her for the rest of my life. I was scared that I would do something wrong. I was scared Dwight would do something wrong. We did do little things wrong, but we learned from them and moved on. With newborns there is no time to sit and dwell over mistakes.

Dwight and I like to go places. We love day trips so it wasn't a surprise when we took a day trip to the Maine coast when Anya was 11 days old. We walked the Marginal Way in Ogunquit on a beautiful May day. It felt amazing to get fresh air. We had lunch and celebrated our new daughter.

I have learned that being a parent means learning something new every day. Over time I learned what she needed while we figured out a routine that worked best. I began to see a personality develop in my baby. It is such an amazing thing to see your child smile, laugh, and then eventually babble and be silly with you over time. It is the best feeling to watch them become an individual that you created.

Over the summer we took more day trips. We learned a lot. We learned that we needed to stop at least once to feed or change her. Car rides became much more interesting. We would go sight seeing and we would not see much more than Anya, her bottle, and diapers. We laughed it off and still had fun.
I always thought I would be the roll off the shoulder kind of mom. I was surprised to find out that I wasn't as easy going as I had thought. In the beginning I knew what was best for Anya. In my mind no one else did. I would challenge Dwight's decisions. It was really hard on the both of us. I'm sure he was standing there as a new dad, unsure of when to step in and when to stand back. Now I ask him, what should I put Anya in for bed? I can't decide how to dress her in this temperature. Does she need a coat today? What should we make her for dinner? I think this is a part in parenting that not many people prepare for or discuss. With two parents and one child... there will be disagreements but you will survive and your marriage will be strong after all. By month two or three things seemed easier. She was smiling, I was smiling. A lot of what I was doing was instinctual and learned day by day. My parents kept telling me that I was doing a great job, so I said, yes I can do this.. I am doing this. Never underestimate the impact of giving someone confidence.

I now understand how a woman can lift a car off her child in an emergency. This love we have for our own amazes me. I feel for the momma animals I see on TV who are fighting for their babies. It's instinctual, this love, we can't help it. It's deep in our hearts, our blood, our soul. How amazing it is to love this deep and feel this strong about anything. I feel lucky that I was given the opportunity to know this part of life.

One of the best things that has happened to me as a mom is meeting other new moms. We are able to talk about routines, feedings, and naps. We don't bore each other with our daily stories. We cheer for each other when one of the babies learns something new or does something funny. The babies are learning right along side one another, we are too as mommies. Having this support system has brought calmness to my days and has erased the loneliness I may have felt otherwise. I am so proud of myself for seeking these friendships for myself and Anya. I know we are happier having these relationships. I can't wait to see Anya running around with her new friends. I have found out who I am as a mom in the past year. This is just the first stepping stone of many. The type of mom I am will change over time. It will change as Anya changes. This is just the first chapter of my story.I am the mom that wants Anya to see things. We go places during the week and on the weekends we frequently visit places with animals. This also has to do with the fact of Dwight and I loving animals. She has been to the coast of New Hampshire, various places in Maine, and Nantucket. We also stay over my sisters house and my parents house every so often. In every trip our car is packed to the roof with baby items, it's a bit hilarious actually.

I am the mom that wishes she had more organization. I arrive at the park to look down and see that Anya only has socks on, her shoes still sitting on her bureau at home. We search the house for her coat only to find it in the back seat of the Subaru. My car is cluttered with stuff.. blankets, toys, and yesterdays coffee cup.. sigh. I am getting better and have learned to set a timer during her nap. When my half hour of lunch and relaxing is up I get up and get things a bit more.. put together.

I am a mom who likes a routine. I had no idea that we would be scheduling our days to be home for naps. If you asked me a year ago if I would be this mom I would have said, no way. I look at Anya and I know she needs her rest. She is still on two naps a day. Once in a while she takes a nap in the car, but I try to plan my days around her so that we can be home for naps in her crib. She is so great about it. We have our routine and I plop her into bed and leave. She falls asleep on her own. I love that she loves a routine too.

I tell Anya I love her about twenty times a day. I cover her in kisses and hugs. I tell her she is beautiful and that she just gets cuter every day.

We listen to music all of the time at home. I dance around the living room and kitchen with her. She laughs as we twirl in circles to the beat. Dwight and I sing songs to her and she has started to try and sing back. She kicks her feet to music if she is sitting down.

I am not perfect, as no mom is. I am just striving to be the best mom that I know how to be. I want Anya to grow up and understand that she made me a mom. She turned my normal, ordinary life into one filling my heart with a joy I never even knew existed before her.

Happy Mothers Day to all the moms out there. You do the single most important job out there. I find that it also happens to be the most fun I have ever had in my life.

daughter

When I was pregnant I couldn't wait to have the baby. Boy or girl our baby would be loved with all of my heart. Dwight and I waited until the birth to find out the sex of our baby. When she came out of my body crying I was so exhausted that I didn't ask if it was a boy or a girl. I joke that I didn't care what it was after my delivery.. a girl, boy, cat, dog. After 4 hours of pushing I just wanted to close my eyes, honestly. My mom is the one who asked, is it a girl or a boy?! When I heard girl I think I said to myself, of course it is a girl. I had known in my heart for months it was a girl. I was afraid to believe it too much because I have always wanted a girl. I didn't want to get my hopes up. My mother has a special relationship with her mother. I have a special relationship with my mother. How could I not want that for myself and a daughter some day?

When they handed Anya to me I was still in shock. I looked down at her face while my whole body shook. She stared at me like she knew me already. I have a daughter, I thought. A daughter. Someone to put headbands and dresses on. We can go to the American doll store and watch the Little Mermaid over and over again. We can go to lunch and go shopping. I will make sure she knows she is beautiful at every age. Some day she will get married and we will have a beautiful wedding. I will cry when Dwight dances with her. We can go out for a glass of wine while she tells me all about her life. Maybe, she will even have a daughter herself one day. Maybe I will see her be born, just like my own mother saw Anya's first breath.

It is amazing to see myself in Anya. She looks so similar to me as a baby. Some people tell me it's almost eerie how much she looks like me. As if I cloned myself, or reincarnated a baby me. I had such a wonderful childhood and I can't wait to give Anya all of the joys I had growing up. Almost a whole year has gone by and I still find myself stopping and wondering if it's all a dream. I have a daughter... my daughter.

little imperfections

What if life's little imperfections end up being our own perfection?

I guess it's all how you look at it.
Is it better to have windows covered in little fingerprints or a sparkling clean view?
A tidy refrigerator door or one covered in family pictures and a child's drawings, posted with pride?
Cleaning up every spill, or letting it fall and giving a baby a chance to learn how to not spill it herself?
Neat little piles of folded laundry or laughing together under the pile as your child throws pieces of it everywhere?

What does a child really remember about growing up? What will I remember about being a mom? I keep thinking about how in twenty years I will remember her laughter. I will remember those ordinary days of reading stories, going for walks, and tickles. I will not remember how clean my floors were that Tuesday afternoon.

Becoming a parent seems to bring smudges, spills, and dirty clothes. Somehow this seems to be perfection in it's own new way. Because every time we have all of these things it means we are living. We are doing things together that make a messy little path. Our piles of laundry, toys strewn about, and applesauce covered clothing just may mean we are living, laughing, and playing.

So I will step over her toys and hug her. I will let those fingerprints stay on the window. I will hold my breath as she learns how yogurt feels between her fingers. I just know I may miss these little imperfections some day. They are somehow my new perfection.

being a momma

These warm spring days have brought naps with no sleep sack resulting in bellybuttons peeking up at me when nap time is through.

Yesterday I ran out to the car to pack up some things before we headed out for the day. I secured the door tightly and turned back to see Anya peeping out at me with her Easter balloon. I had no idea she could see out the front door. She was laughing before this.

For dinner I gave Anya macaroni and cheese for the first time. I think it's her favorite food. She didn't want any part of the yellow squash next to it and only focused on the little cheesy noodles. She was having a hard time picking them off of her tray. She would pinch at a noodle and it would keep sliding away from her. I got up to get one of her little plastic bowls. I have avoided this because I expect her to throw it or dump it out on the floor. I put a spoonful of macaroni in the bowl and handed it to her. She did wonderful. She lifted the bowl up with one hand and used the other to pick out the noodles. I was stunned and said wow Anya you are such a big girl now!

Every day I am in awe at this girls disposition. She is so happy and easy going. I think she will continue to be a really great person as she grows up. I can't wait to get to know her more every day. It's amazing that we made this girl that is teaching me so much about life and myself. I have learned that with love you have more patience. I have also learned there is no such thing as a perfect mom.. we all make mistakes. You become a parent knowing you will care for and teach this little person every day. You then realize they are teaching you things you had no idea you needed. I find myself stopping to read stories outside on a blanket, patiently waiting as she looks over something a billion times and making her duck quack in a funny voice during bath time. She makes me the mother I am. When my mom and dad have told me that they think I am doing a good job as a mom I have answered, it is easy to be a good mom when you love someone so much.